Unapologetically Owning Your Purpose- In Your Artistry

This morning, I woke up and prayed, as I do every morning, and I always end my prayer by asking God to reveal things I neglect to see. I felt the urge to write today, yesterday, and all last year, but I gathered my thoughts and decided to make it happen. One of the struggles of being creative is the urge to come up with amazing ideas and not knowing where to start. I had never been as inconsistent with my writing as I was until I realized that seeing the purpose was not as enlightening as I once believed. Did I lose my passion for what was once my purpose? Do I constantly observe other creatives and their gifts and minimize my own? Am I comparing my purpose with someone else's definition of what purpose is? So here I am, creating a corner where I can pour my creativity and spread the words out loud. In moments of frustration, it is essential to take a breath, reflect, and rediscover the spark that ignites your passion. By doing so, you will unlock a fresh wave of excitement, motivation, and purpose, enabling you to pursue your desires with renewed energy and enthusiasm.

If you are someone who struggles with your creativity or finds it challenging to follow your purpose, please continue reading. If not, you may want to exit now. 

““If you can tune into your purpose and really align with it, setting goals so that your vision is an expression of that purpose, then life flows much more easily.””

— Jordan Tarver

Expectations?

When I think back, I recall that I always wrote when I was growing up. I remember finding old journals and notebooks from middle school, where friends and I would pass this notebook around each time class let out. We would discuss things we were doing in class or people who may have been getting on our nerves. It was a way to communicate without being caught on our cellphones. In capturing the moments for growth, I would occasionally look into those notebooks to see where my mind was at that age. I loved making sentences that do what I wanted them to do. Nothing felt better than the pure pleasure of writing. I like telling people things. Writing felt so natural. I write because it's essential; human interaction is magic. And when I could lock in on the emotional heart of it, I was moved to become a writer, because I must, the fulfilling experience of it all. 

Fast forward to college. I would post on various platforms and receive a lot of recognition for my written contributions. I knew that I wanted to be someone who could listen to others and offer advice, whether based on my own experience or on what I would do, not knowing where it would lead. Fast-forward to October 14th, 2018, when I started my blog: AT THAT MOMENT, and I posted my first blog. I knew what I wanted to accomplish: to be a voice for the voiceless, a platform for others to find their 'aha' moment, and to change the narrative of where they were going. I expected to write each week and pour into people as I had previously done, but my approach was compromised by feeling like I had no creativity, unlike how I had imagined it would be. I developed a way to express myself eloquently and a desire to find a place to belong, which did not allow me to compromise my beliefs for what others required, such as sitting down for conversations with unanswered questions. I expected to be free of judgment, not realizing that I judged myself.

Is there something hidden?

Is there a hidden strength in creativity, a bold desire to fill the void with our own authentic voices? A writer longs to connect, to share their vision, and make a meaningful impact. What I discovered is that I lost my passion for writing because I focused on external validation, rather than staying true to my artistic voice. I was at my happiest when I could tap into my imagination and craft stories that brought me joy and fulfillment. I generated fresh ideas, filled notebooks with possibilities, and made time to reflect on my thoughts, and momentum followed. I possess ideas that I want to be true, and I am learning to trust myself, embracing the gift of creativity. The rejection I faced is no longer a barrier, and I'm excited to start something new, taking my audience on a journey of discovery. A writer writes. I'm ready to share my stories with courage and conviction.

Finding your calling and your life's work is about discovering your identity; what makes you, you. It is about looking into a deeper expression of yourself. To truly uncover this, one must understand their passions, values, and aspirations, allowing these elements to guide decision-making and relationships. Embracing this journey of self-discovery reveals not only personal strengths but also the interconnectedness of our existence. Ultimately, this pursuit leads us closer to understanding our experiences, our beings, and where you play a unique role in understanding that purpose. This journey often involves SELF-REFLECTION, navigating passions, and confronting FEARS, all of which contribute to a more authentic existence. As you embark on this journey, you begin to uncover the values and beliefs that resonate most with your spirit. This process not only reveals your purpose but also enriches your connections with others on similar paths. 

Speaking about the spirit, when God has a purpose in mind for you, He will patiently guide you back to it, even if you lose your way. Through my experiences with blogging and creative expression, I have discovered that the desire to create and inspire never truly leaves; it is always waiting to be rekindled. Okay, back to the blog.

What brings significance to my life? 

For me, creating moments is essential to discovering your passions and aspirations, helping to shape you, understanding when to let go, and allowing other things to flourish. Working diligently to provide for your family or significant other and fulfilling the duties of a 9-to-5 job does not guarantee fulfillment or that your life has purpose. Most people do these things and still do not know what happiness looks like. What I find meaningful is the ability to awaken each day and do what brings me joy. Finding solace in the things I cannot change, but embracing all the things I can, as they align with the path I create for myself. What I find meaningful is living the life I want for myself, without looking outside of my purpose to obtain it. I'm so empowered not to look at social media and not wish, hope, think, or desire to have what someone else may have. What I find meaningful is that a significant purpose could also be attached to your future self, struggling in its present self, because you never broke down the experiences of your past self. Enjoy the moments without chasing them. That is true happiness.

Self-Discovery

Unpacking your purpose is about speaking up for what you believe and doing the things you say you are going to do. In doing so, you unpack what is keeping you from using it. SELF-DISCOVERY is the process of understanding and becoming aware of your own identity, personality, beliefs, values, interests, and goals. Exploring your inner self to gain a deeper understanding of who you are and what you want out of life. If I were to ask you, Who are you? What would you say?

This morning, I woke up, prayed, and told myself that I would write a blog post. This morning, I DID. I am moving forward with writing for myself. I spent too much time doing it for others and still thinking I was not good enough. Now, if it resonates, please feel free to leave a comment; if not, you have already reached this point. I hope you find your purpose, appreciate your creativity, stick with it, and don't give up, even if you feel that someone might not understand or relate to it. Believe me, you have to believe in yourself, because you are good enough, bold enough, and courageous enough to fulfill your purpose. I am rooting for you, and the world needs to see what you have to offer. 

How Taking a Break from Blogging Helped Me Rediscover My Passion

If you're reading this, it means I'm back with a vengeance. After Taking some time away from blogging, I'm finally ready to share my thoughts and ideas with the world again. Let me start with this: It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable and share your struggles with the world. When you have taken time to work on yourself and rediscover your passion, REFLECTION is a powerful tool for SELF-DISCOVERY and GROWTH.

I had to grow in some areas of my life after the death of my grandfather in 2021. For a long time, I felt a sense of emptiness and hopelessness, and I didn't grieve properly. I avoided most days as much as possible, but I still had to participate in life. Some things people didn't know, I didn't grieve right away after my grandfather died. I suppressed my emotions, feeling that I needed to be a part of the strong ones for my mom, aunts, and uncle. I saw the pain of the death of their father in more ways than one. In preparing for his service a lot needed to be done and decisions had to be made to make his last visible day for family and friends as amazing as it was. If you haven't read my blog about grieving, you should. I had to read it a few times and go back from time to time if needed. It ties into things that led up to now. On February 6, 2021, I had to say goodbye to him, lying in a casket, and I didn't know how to leave him ‘there’, understanding that it was his time to leave us. I felt hurt and confused. I had moments of regret. I felt everything anyone might've felt, but I also had to move on as if it wasn't affecting me. After writing that blog, I did what I felt was best for me, at that moment.

Grieving is very important but you must continue to live. I would drive to work every day for almost a year, crying my eyes out, walking into work as if nothing was wrong. I smiled in people's faces, I completed tasks asked of me, and I was present for those who needed me, but behind that mask, I became angry. I became short-tempered. I became distant to some. I became resentful. And when I wasn't excited to write anymore, I knew something was wrong. I had to take time and get away. It was my moment, to be honest with myself and find CLARITY to be a better ME.

The Value of Reflection: How Journaling Helped Me Get Back to Blogging

What I Learned during my time away from blogging was that after regaining my courage to be vulnerable, I discovered that each emotion or feeling I endured needed a "why" in front of it, and only I could define it. Why was I sad? Why was I afraid? Why did I stop? Being away for a while I reflected on the things, I wanted but what was stopping me from getting them. It wasn't easy. I purchased a few journals, read a few books, listened to a lot of music, and did all I could to reset and refocus. What I value about reflection is seeing the progress between THEN and NOW. I valued seeing the opportunity to be better. I valued seeing that I could share my emotions. For anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one, friendship, or a failed relationship (remember, grieving isn't always the actual death of someone, but the ending of something), the loss of a job, whatever it may be, you will spend a lot of time reflecting and processing, but what I found to be true is that TIME gets you through. Do you give yourself time to step away? Though I can't go back, I learned how to keep moving forward. What I learned about taking a hiatus from your everyday normal or daily activities is that when YOU ARE READY, you can pick up right where you left off. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to continue doing life with the hiccups that may arise, but you can't forget about yourself and suppress the emotions you feel.

During my time away I worked on myself and learned the value of Self-Care. I started to understand that what was important to me was very significant. I journaled and wrote down how I was feeling. I started going back to coffee shops and I wrote; even if I didn't feel like it. I put all my thoughts on paper so I wouldn't forget the moments in the moment. After some time, I found my niche in becoming a Certified Life Coach and helping clients express themselves more confidently. I got a certification in Project Management to further my career. I became a better partner and friend. I learn to USE MY VOICE. Most importantly, I had to REST to GROW. I learned how to put myself first.

The Power of Community: How Connecting with Other Creatives Helped Me Get My Blogging Groove Back-

Social media has become the pioneer and platform for getting information out into the world. If we spend as much time following the right people, based upon the things we need for ourselves, or even the motivation to becoming a better you, think about how much further along we might be. If you are someone having a hard time and you are following people who complain and don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you might stay where you are. In other words, I started connecting with other creatives to help me get back into blogging. A quote from musician Tom DeLonge that I enjoy is, "You should follow your passions, you know? And you should make sure you do something you love. That's all I've learned, is that if you're doing something you love you'll work harder at it and make it happen, I can promise you that." Following writers and other creatives like Alex Elle, Mel Robbins, Cory Allen, Michael Gaylon, Jason Gibson, Connor Beaton, and Kurt Faustin, to name a few, helped me on this journey to getting back to it. From the things they post, you see their passion, the real, the good, and the bad. In their exposure to their truth, you can easily relate to not feeling alone. They each tell a story. They show you that you're not the only one that goes through life's ups and downs. They let me see that tomorrow is another day. Remember, people can be very persuasive. So, who are you following?

ATM Advice:

1. Make sure that the people you follow will help you look at the world positively.

2. Follow people who will help you grow as a person.

3. Taking a break can be a powerful way to recharge and come back refreshed.

4. Sharing your struggles takes a lot of courage, but it can also be incredibly empowering.

If you can't find that, hit Subscribe on my page, and let's connect. I'm back. Stay tuned for some exciting new content. I can't wait to share it with you.

The Grief Healing

The Grief Healing-

Understanding Grief and the steps to Heal

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Sudden loss or knowing someone is about to transition is one of the hardest, most unimaginable things we as humans may experience. We form in our mind that someone is getting ready to leave our side, but we mentally go into a place of unsecure thoughts, and that’s where we begin to imagine life without them. It is not uncommon to feel overwhelmed when someone dies. It is not uncommon for someone to have a shift in their emotions or feel emotionally unstable. It can be complicated to process. It can be difficult to accept. The thing that we sometimes fail to do is GRIEVE.

Before I continue let me be very clear, grief can mean different things for different people-grieving is not predictable. Understand that there is no expiration date on when a person has fully processed the loss of someone’s life.

For me, losing my grandfather this year was hard. I remember talking to my mom as she was telling me what was going on with him. I remember asking her for the phone number to his room, as he was in the hospital going through testing to see what was going on. I remember calling a few times a day, but I never got a response. I told my mom he wasn’t answering the phone when I called, and she said, “he is probably just sleep. He has been really tired.” I let a few days go by and I wanted to call him again at a random time to see if he would pick up, and he didn’t. A few days went by and I called my grandmother and somehow, we got on the topic of my grandfather. I remember saying that I keep calling his hospital room phone and he’s not answering. I said, “I just want to talk to him.” Her response was, “well you can’t. He is unresponsive. The doctors are running test, but he is not breathing on his own.”

The only thing I remember thinking about after that conversation was that I didn’t want to lose my grandfather. I didn’t want to lose him like this, in the hospital, which he hated. I started thinking about my life with him and his zeal for living on his own terms. I haven’t seen my grandfather in person in almost a year because of the pandemic. (I think the pandemic made it hard for a lot of people to see their loved ones.) This made it even harder to deal with because his health was declining and there was nothing no one could do. Family went up to visit him, but it wasn’t looking good. Prayers were sent. Conversations with God became heated sometimes because we just wanted to pray this away. My mom facetimed me in the hospital so I could see him….

He was no longer on the ventilator, and though he was breathing on his own, he still wouldn’t wake up. The last glimpse I noticed of my grandfather, a nurse tried to put a tub down his throat to help suction out some fluids so he could feel more comfortable, but he closed his mouth so tight and wouldn’t move his lips to open his mouth again. Maybe this was his way of letting go, because at this time I seen a tear roll out his eye and down his cheek. Want to talk about grieving? I didn’t know that letting go meant I needed to let go too. On the morning of Jan 20th, 2021, a day I will NEVER forget, my mom called me and stated that no changes had occurred with my grandfather’s health and they were going to move him to hospice. At 9:44pm I received a call from my mom. By the sound of her voice I knew something happened. She said the words softly, “he just passed.” She didn’t want to talk, as respected, and I told her I would call her tomorrow.

Though I told general bits of what occurred with his death, I wasn’t quite ready to accept that he was gone. I never knew processing his death would hurt so bad. I was angry and upset. I would like to tell myself that this could’ve been prevented, but I really don’t know.

At That Moment

When you’re coping with a big life change with the death of a loved one, it may feel like the part of your world has ended. Big changes with the death of someone can sometimes mean that an aspect of your life has been altered. The challenge is understanding that your life isn’t over, but rather one chapter may have come to an end. Finding that peace may seem like it’s a long way, but here are a few steps that’s helping me grieve, mourn, understand, accept, acknowledge, respond and even push myself through unbearable moments:

1.  Acceptance of what has happened- this is the place where you acknowledge what has occurred. This to me is the place where you’re shocked or even in denial. Accepting that something has happened will allow for you to begin the grieving stage.

2. Understand your emotions- this is not a place where you want to suppress how you feel. Give your emotions an opportunity to be vocal. No matter what you feel, FEEL IT. Are you frustrated or hurt, sad or confused? Are you lonely or feel depressed? Are you angry? Say it. Know that these feelings are normal and often needed to move through sudden change. You don’t have to put on a brave face for those around you. This is an opportunity to connect with a close friend or family. This is a way for people to help you, as this is equally important in the healing process.

3. Work through it- grief is a process - you may be struggling to adjust to living life without this person but give yourself time to. This is all new. As you work during this stage, you can begin to feel a sense of control over your life. Sometimes that may require space, but this is where you will do a lot of reflecting. Stages 1 and 2 are clear at this point.

4. Return to you- this is where you focus on your life. Changes may occur but at this point there are strategies in place. You may be surprised at your strength at this point. This is where you start to discuss how to move forward. This is a stage of acceptance, making it a little easier to talk about. You may not feel happy all at once, but you will feel a little less sadness, a lot more clarity, and a great sense of how much more this person meant to you in your present.

I work on these steps daily to understand how I am grieving. For some, it could be a song that comes on that reminds you of them, or you see someone that resembles them. Sometimes I feel like I am angry or sad all over again, but I re-read step #4. It’s important to return to yourself. Grieving can be hard but following these steps can also bring you freedom. Healing in this area does not mean you won’t have moments of grief, but you find healthy was to cope. Each day I think about my grandfather and his life. I remember how fearless he was and how much he loved me. I remember his smile and his sense of humor. This allows me to go on with my days as he would have wanted. I get sad but I shared SO MANY AMAZING MOMENTS with him that I can’t stay sad too long.

You read it all. Thank you. The person you thought of in reading this loves you too. If they could be here, I am sure they would. In grieving, remember that it’s different for everyone, but only you can do the work to return to you.

-Reggie Lawhorn

A Work In Progress: Twenty21

A work in progress

We’ve all just experienced a world of events for 2020. For many, it felt like the crumbling of our humor and stability, but we all had to show up anyway. It felt like many worlds of events wouldn’t let up, but we still had to show up. 2020 felt like we all had to fight battles within ourselves and adapt to sudden change. We had to accept some hurdles, but we also had some amazing defeats.  The new year is always a restart of joy, faith, excellence, integrity, humility, life, goals and Grace.

A new year always bring about a new year determination. Why is that? Is this from not carrying out what we say we would do the year prior? Does it come from falling along the way without knowing how to go back and start again? Does the new year create a new vision for you to work towards?

The new year for me has always been about creating or re-directing something within myself. It’s always been about working toward those things that would make me a better person. One year my focus was being more discipline and aware of my strength. Another year was about perseverance and de-cluttering my life. The new year has always been about the gratefulness of seeing a new year. It’s been about achieve growth and fulfilling goal after goal.

I remember in 2017, right before the clock strikes 12am to welcome 2018, I spoke to God about being more open to receive love. I wanted to be more open about myself and my personality. I wanted to be more genuine when people crossed my path. I wanted to let down my guard and trust that love would happen. I desired it, so I did the work I felt that I needed to do at that point to be ready to receive and accept love. I created boundaries and I even let some down. I met people and I went out more. I started speaking and building relationships. I was true to myself and started to accept the thing would deny. In 2019, a few short months after the new year, I was given the stamp of approval from God to NOT only to be open to receive love but be ready. I met someone. Amazing right. I learned more about myself but also about building with someone else. In 2020 we became a couple. I didn’t give God an expiration date, nor did I have alternative plans if this wasn’t going to be. I told God what I wanted, did the work, and He did the rest. The new year creates hope. It’s a new start to make things right. It’s a new beginning to set goals and create those possibilities.

 A work in progress

We’re evolving individuals. We prosper and could create change. We have goals and we seek to be better people daily. What hinders us sometimes it that we live inside our emotions and create mental defeats. We sometimes feel like life throws us misfortunes, but the truth is, you learn something from it. Seeing a new year is the blessing. The new year is refreshing. Many people are creating their resolutions and ready to be better than last year. What do you notice in seeing someone else’s resolutions? We see people persistently posting their goals and speaking about things they want to achieve. It shows us to go after the things we want. When we accomplish one goal always have another commitment we want to fulfill. Here’s four steps to get you to start your goals:

1. Write/Journal- place those goals on paper. Every thought; even the things you think won’t work. Think about all you want to do and how it aligns with your overall goal/vision.

2. Speak- talk out loud about those goals. Be brave in knowing that those things you put out in the universe will come back to you. You might also find that other people may need your voice to find theirs. Talk to close friends about what you want to do. Get their advice but don’t let their advice discourage you. Many people will be honest, and many will be supportive.

3. Create the vision- put that goal into execution. Take your notes from what you wrote, (or your journal) and start crossing off the things that don’t contribute to your plan. No matter what you want to do, this is where you research and gather all the advice you received and birth this goal.

4. Build/Post/Brand- this is your time. This is your happiness and hard work speaking outwardly. This is your growing place. This is putting your all together for the goal to be birthed. This is your work (in) progress. This is the place of getting you more places.

Whether this exposes your strength or creates inspiration, whether this create boundaries or an overflow of insight, whether the isolation creates a moment of clarity or prosperity, the work in progress is WORKING IN PROGRESS. Never give up. Never think that the odds are against you. Never think that your idea won’t work. Even after the goal is fulfilled, keep learning and growing.  A new year can start you on the right path, but each year should be improvement if you’re proceeding.

I was always taught that God operates in hitting a moving target. Two words: GET MOVING. You want that new house or new job, get moving. You want to improve your credit, get moving. You want to create that business, get moving. You want to help save lives, get moving. You want to get discipline and de-clutter your life, get moving.

I see the power of speaking things into existence. I also see the reaping of blessings from the hard work contributed. Keep elevating. Keep creating those vision boards that creates the layout for your future. Determination or new year, the goal is to keep working and see the Progress.

Your Story Matters

Your Story Matters

I originally started my blog to help encourage others to find their voice. To speak loud and proud without apology. I started this blog to create a platform of dialogue and conversation with oneself, to understand that even in our own thoughts we are not alone. Somehow, I started losing the desire that stood firm in my original creation. I lost the passion for content and I did what most people do: Give Up.

Have you ever thought to yourself that you weren’t good enough? I told myself that my words wouldn’t be read so why write. I told myself that I will create tomorrow after tomorrow and each day passed me by, and months later, still nothing was published. Sometimes we have a hard time accepting three things: the truth, owning it, and figuring out what to do after we’ve acknowledged it.

The truth:

I did what most people would do; find many excuses to step away. I Grew Exhausted, but I also very nervous. I allowed inner self-inflicted hurt and unspoken truth to hold my voice captive. I knew I was good and what I wanted to say but I was afraid that no one would listen. I could pour my thoughts on to paper, but the ink would smear, and I would just get weary. So, I stopped. We tend to always resort back to what seems most familiar and for me, giving power to, “I am not good enough” seemed to always win. It stopped the desire to even want to be heard. I grew tired of thinking something was not great enough. I grew tired of thinking I was incapable of helping someone find a voice within themselves. How could I when I I lost my own?

Owning it:

Have you ever been so excited to create something, and you knew that it was going to be intriguing and enlightening? You knew people were going to relate, and in many cases give you the push to pursue and publish more? Then you start to see other people post the same things you’re talking about and you lose the zeal to publish your work or create? Have You ever got discouraged because you wanted your work to be great but didn’t think enough of yourself to believe you had the ability to make it happen? I have three words for you: PUT IT OUT. Own your work. Own the delivery of the message you’re trying to conquer. I was silent for months and it became evident. Truth is, I cared a little too much of what people would think of my post and less on how the content was going to help someone. I own it. I wasn’t jealous. I was self-doubting, and truth be told, I never have a reason to be.

Figuring it out:

I enjoy seeing my thoughts on paper and creating a reference to where my mind once was . I enjoy talking to people, especially those who struggle to be heard and needed an outlet. I would lend my ears and have questions awaiting. I enjoy helping people navigate through their inner thoughts and helping them find the solution to their concerns. I help people find that inner voice. I help people become vocal and unashamed, vibrant and truthful. To (l)earn their self- respect. To expose their truest heart. To heal in the best form, free of isolated thoughts and courageous enough to speak about it! If you want to continue being impactful, you need to be confident and aware of your talent. I needed to stop second guessing myself and just put out content. I needed to understand that each story is a reference to someone else’s views. In blogging or in artistry, you need to accept that everyone may not relate to what you’re saying, and that is okay. I had to figure out how I was going to stop making excuses if my hunger still exists to help people find their voice.

At That Moment:

Believe it or not, we are NOT alone in our way of thinking. All our experience’s shapes each of us. We may go through some tough hiccups that life throws at us outside our control, but we’re not exempt from our feelings, even when we choose to suppress them. Some of us have pushed through while others need help finding a way. Why not have 10 people speaking on the same topic your trying to overcome, with 10 different individuals’ truths, 10 different outlets and 10 different lessons from each. Don’t be afraid of your craft and the effectiveness of your words. It doesn’t take away from others creativity and it shouldn’t have you second guessing yours. This goes back to owning it. We all have gifts. Your story will always be your own, are you courageous to let us listen? Let us see the triumph of your discovery in overcoming something that once held you back. Let us see the imagery of your thoughts. When we are comparing ourselves to someone else’s way of thinking, or feel our story doesn’t matter, we forfeit our distinctiveness. Don’t be afraid to speak in your truth. Don’t get discouraged thinking that the amount of ‘views’ and ‘likes will determine you’re impact. We can no longer be concerned about an audience but more focused on speaking about issues we all face. Your dexterity deserves to be acknowledged, and posted, and read, and heard, all while being unashamed. Your voice will be heard, and your work will be understood.

Affirmation:

I am a WRITER. I am creating a platform for people to not only find but to also use their voice. I am a Creative. I am impactful. I am no longer afraid of my content and I no longer compare my work to someone else’s story. This is My Story.

Let me help you speak yours.

REINVENT YOURSELF

Looking at the date of my last post I can honestly say that Life Happened. I didn’t expect my passion of writing to come to a halt, but I realized that I was incapable of pouring my all into something when my heart was in question. Some people are talented with sweeping problems under the rug, or moving on as if change doesn’t change them, but I am a processor. I must analyze things as they are and adjust as expected. Life happened, and I didn’t know how to process my thoughts and align my action.

Looking at my last posted blog, I realized that I was in an unwavering pool of laughs and many thoughts, tears and triumphs, victories and breaks, life lessons and teachings while learning how to be led and accepting of change. In the past few months I had to learn how to do something I was afraid to do. I had to learn how to let things be and not run back to fix it. I had to do something I was afraid to do. I had to learn how to Reinvent Myself.

Reinvent Yourself- For some, this could be a hard task. How do you reinvent yourself if you don’t know who you are? The truth is that we make mistakes, we become damaged individuals, we become heartless, we become analytical and keep people at a distance. If we aren’t careful we turn that pain into depression and anxiety. We lose trust in people and we limit the happiness in our lives. When one reinvents themselves, they take the necessary steps to get out of their situation. They had enough of going back and forth with decisions they can no longer change.

For me, I lost someone who meant the most to my life. I lost my biggest supporter and encourager. I lost the first realest friendship one could ever have. We created memories to which I now bow my head in shame. The memories are reminders of when life mad sense; so, I thought. Losing a friend stings, losing your best friend hurts, losing all of that in someone you considered closer than a brother or sister, that, I am at a loss for words. I have four steps to reinventing yourself. You take of it how you see fit, but for me, I am in every shape a new man, mentally, spiritually, physically, financially, etc.

 1.      Refocus your Priorities-

I spent my life pleasing everyone else. Seeing someone smile made me smile, but what I had to learn is that everyone that smile isn’t always happy (point taken). One thing about priorities, they can be non-negotiable. These are things that you must do that will make YOU happy. Refocus on things you wanted to do but didn’t know how to start. Work a little harder at completing a task that you started. Do something nice for you without asking for permission. Take that cooking class or piano lesson. Refocus on your gifts. One thing that a beautiful person told me is that I am more important to people than I may think. That means I am priority; even to myself.

2.      Make yourself uncomfortable-

July of this year I finally went to the west coast. I went to Las Vegas and California. I had an amazing time with old friends, met some new friends, but I was free to turn a corner and not recognize someone. I was free to explore and do things I never thought I would. In going on this trip and exploring my freedom, I took a picture on the beach. Seems minor right, but what many don’t know is that I am very self-conscious about my looks and my body. Its easy to admire someone else’s confidence, if I can even call it that, but I’ve always embraced seeing what looks different to the outsider, a classic norm to the one being viewed. I had some pictures with my shirt off, some with just overalls on, and even people who were taken back in seeing that side of me was shocked but appreciative that I stepped out of my shell. It was uncomfortable, at first, but what I realized is that in being uncomfortable you hold yourself back from being the best you can be. People will ALWAYS have something to say but that inner courage will only come out when you are comfortable without shame.

3.      Clear out all Clutter –

We are sometimes conditioned to thinking that if things don’t go as planned its always our fault. With losing a great friend I replayed everything that happened up to the moment when I lost my train of thought. The saying is that no response is a response. I accepted a lot of things outside my control. I thought I could mask the change and the pain associated with it, but pain has a way of releasing itself at the right wrong time. If you want to get on with life, the emotional baggage must be released. The anger you hold on to has to go. The grudges and the need to be right has to go. You can’t force people to see what you see, and you can’t make people stay if they desire to go. Don’t be afraid to let go when you want to move on with your life, as others have. Your mental freedom in on the line.

4.      Express yourself-

Sometimes we hold ourselves back thinking that people will judge us incorrectly, when the fact is that your opinion matters. Our differences and our experiences and understanding to things makes us beautifully unique. You must learn how to express your thoughts, how you feel, how you received something, etc. Daily, you have to ask yourself “How do I feel? What do I desire? Why am I going through this?” When you ask yourself the question, ANSWER IT. Expressing yourself is not retaining the clutter. It’s giving a clear picture to your thoughts. Expressing yourself is allowing people to get to know and learn you and how to treat you.

 At That Moment- Reinventing yourself requires you to do something you wouldn’t ordinarily do with the hopes of getting the results you want to see. You are enhancing the spirit of yourself outwardly and the world desires your authentic self. Hold on the memories, the good and even some lessons from the bad. Everything we encounter teaches us something, just don’t let those memories keep you there. When you must let go of people, or change a situation, accepting what no longer exist is a process. It’s OKAY to take your time. I had to stop writing until my thoughts were clear and I was ready to process things happening in my life. You must change when someone changes the dynamic in what you were use too. Know that some change is good. Change allowed me to see ME for ME and change allowed me to start living my life. We don’t know the WHY ‘s until we finally accept WHAT IS. Never change the narrative; the story will help you on the path of Reinventing You.

Find Your Voice

Black Man in America, Find Your Voice:

I escaped the violations unharmed but I remember how each occurrence made me feel. Somehow, we silence ourselves when we should be our most vocal but cling to memories unreturned. I have a voice, we all have a voice, but brokenness has a way of creating doubt and we lose focus trying to mask things internally.

“I was afraid to finally be heard because people have always failed to listen, really listen, to me.” I remember writing this quote as I was preparing to go away for college. It was time for me to live on my own, away from family and friends, a new area, new living quarters, and I could walk around a corner full of people where no one knew me. This was my moment to re-event myself, to make people proud. Then it hit me. The irony of that quotes that makes me upset is that even after all these years, and I had some amazing years, not much from that quote has changed.

Have I lost you? Well let me explain. When children can’t speak up for themselves they tend to shy away or shut down. Some even react in a manner to gain someone’s attention. We learn at a very young age that a mind is a terrible thing to waste, but who takes time to explore the minds of young children? Who takes time to listen or pay attention to non-verb

al cues? Nowadays, we label toddlers and children and speak into the universe what’s wrong with then automatically propose that this is how they will turn out. Some of the people that ‘think’ they know really aren’t equipped to make a diagnosis. For me, I was that little kid. I was the one that was overlooked but labeled, and I had the potential just as anyone else. I was that kid that had a voice but I would shy away because it was easier to feel invisible than to accept that I felt unwanted.

What was my label? What was yours? At a young age I knew the power of words. I knew that saying anything could make someone feel a certain way: Say something nice, they smile. Say something bad, it hurt their feelings. See, the basics. But I was never taught how to speak proudly about my passions or how I felt in each situation. I was told to shut up because my voice didn’t matter. I was told not to ask questions because I didn’t matter. Where’s the correlation?

There is still that six-year-old label on him that lingers to speak up, but he’s still afraid that he’s still invisible, even when he’s his most vulnerable. He never lost his identity because he never found it. He didn’t give up on his dreams, he just stopped dreaming. My voice was taken because people failed to listen to me. How can a six-year-old mask such a feeling? Label off.

At That Moment:

I found that the journey of life taught me a lot when I decided to take the label off myself. NOW I find living life remarkable. I found that through my own observations and the life I have now, my invisibility wasn’t a beacon for escape; it was a creation for hope. My six-year old desire for validation, for acceptance, or to be heard, was a childhood memory that was untold. I don’t believe my childhood upbringing could allow my NOW to surface. I can’t continue to hide behind something that NOW requires. I can’t make excuses NOW for who I was when I can control who I am NOW. As growth occurs without choice, our surroundings change. Our minds advance. Our thoughts are different. Our beings start to make sense.

Before you silence a child, think about the message you are giving off. Think about how they are internalizing their freedom of opinion and your closed mindedness for a resolve. Think about your uplifting correction to a question that might help this young person thrive. Think about how they might shut down or shy away from saying anything else. How do you encourage your child to be the best they can be? How do you listen to children’s out-cry for help if they can’t use their words? How do you raise that child to stand on their own two feet to accept and appreciate what stares back at them in the mirror? I lost hope in those mirror sessions because I knew who I looked like, but I didn’t know who I was; even as I was becoming.

My black voice is creating platforms starting with AT THAT MOMENT. My black voice could spot those who looked like me and unmask them to help them find their identity. All I did was notice and reacted. My black voice was inherited by novelist and activist like James Baldwin’s and Richard Wright’s. I poured myself into their words. I can go further and emphasis on people like Marcus Garvey and Myles Munroe and W.E.B Du Bois, people who had impactful voices to lead and challenge the mind. My black voice is serving as a big brother mentoring other black youth that couldn’t find their voices and needed someone to understand and believe in them.  My black voice is LOUD because I don’t ever want to feel invisible again. I wanted to give power to what people labeled me as: a[void].

-ReggLaw

Poem: Losing to Win

I listen to people lies for far too long.

In my moments of feeling rejected I started to feel Lost

In desperation I opened closed wounds for affection.

And in my hesitation to get up from this violation I heard God saying,

 “Come this way, here’s My protection.”

But like many, we refuse the invitation and try to fix the situation into our own liking.

But the imagination is like a playground,

full of attraction but the friction is like an introduction to our make up!

We listen to the fabrications

in hopes of gathering enough information for retaliation

but who you claim to be and what you accept is pollution to the solution

and there’s only one revelation of self that escapes.

The affection of God’s unchanging love comes with direction

and correction and the construction of your being correlates with your new creation.

The solution was to only translate this new evolution, of your mind that is,

and the ambition to be who God called you to be.

“Come this way, here’s My protection”

 Following God’s words was a choice.

 Rejection wasn’t hurting you; change was creating you!

The Next Destination

 -Reggie Lawhorn

New Year reSOLUTION(s)

New Year, New You, or, New Year, You, do You?

It’s easy for us to fall on the bandwagon of New Year rituals. Did you rededicate your being to fulfill goals lost throughout the previous months?  Or did you remove yourself from the things or people that ‘hindered’ you from living out your desires or your authentic self? The New Year is always the time for people to clean up what they messed up. They will continue living in their mess-ups until the days come closer to December 31, and midnight becoming a new slate of things they did the previous year.

New Year New You-

With age comes learned experiences and created habits that either make us better or keep us the same. The new you to many is about re-inventing yourself to people who already know you. The new year is about deciding to be a better person or fulfill a self-given resolution with self-accountability and hoping not to drop the ball THIS TIME. The new year is about presented opportunities and not being afraid to take them on. Its’s about setting goals and achieving them and being proud of your dedication. Whether it’s losing weight or even deciding to stop cursing, each day is a milestone to your greatest accomplishment.  What I like about the ‘new year new you’ movement is that you recognize things you want/have to change, or you see how you would like to do things differently this time around. I love growth. I love learning. I love when people apply those things correctly and when people can recognize it. I have a question that doesn’t require an answer for me, or others for that matter, but think about it: who’s the new year new you for; them (outside occurrences that you were easily influence by and your trying to correct their thought process) or yourself. (the person you wish others would notice first hand and not the product of your mistakes or your past)? New year new you for me focuses on being better but changing what you would do to gain the results you’re after. I also spoke about distancing myself from people but I would end up back in their corner when they said the right words or they acknowledged they needed me. Yes, I thrived off feeling wanted. So, in ‘distancing’ myself I channeled the ENERGY I wanted around me and who I WANTED in my space. I got to choose now. New me now goes off vibes, connection, asking more questions, not what people could get from me because they noticed a gullible side that I thought was just being a friend. 

New Year You Do You-

“Let’s start over with a clean slate.” That’s what I think about when the same person becomes a NEW person but the new them wants nothing to do with the old or new you. The new year also brings out the new soul crushers. Starting over doesn’t always mean you cut off everyone that doesn’t see the person you’re trying to be. You show them what your about and what you won’t tolerate moving forward. If people are not willing to abide by what you’re trying to do, then yes, allow them to do themselves without. The ‘you do you’ movement is also about protecting your peace. If someone gave you a headache all year round, why do you want them to do it in your new year? Furthermore, take a step back, why do people wait until the new year to change a problem that could easily be corrected in that ‘now ‘phase. New year you do you is creating a space for you to live and create and journey and you don’t want to do it with people who are no longer in your vision. Guess what? It’s okay. It took me a long time to realize that people naturally outgrow each other. People are adapting and changing daily. Sometimes journeys shift and you do have to think about yourself.

At That Moment-

For those who must start next month to redo what they were working toward Jan 1st, it’s never too late. Be realistic. Changing one thing requires you giving up something else. The question you should ask yourself, “is it worth it?” Remember, leaving things unfinished will always allow you to come back. You should change for the things around you to shift in the process. It’s a New Year, what you doing?

Crossing our own boundaries?

A few weeks ago, I had a moment where I had to re-evaluate my expectations of people in my life. Sometimes, we harbor how we feel to protect someone else’s feelings, but when we set those boundaries that people cross, why do we keep our feelings to ourselves? If people respect you, they should also know when they did you wrong, right?

I remember some years ago being told to never overreact over things/people I can’t control; but I was never taught how to express my feelings properly when those concerns arise. So, for me, I process my thoughts before I can express how I feel, and I ask questions to make sure they understand what I am saying. When it pertains to our feelings, we shouldn’t suppress them until we feel that we’ve had enough. Instead, we should be vocal in our intent to release that emotion and hope that whomever we’re talking too understands where we’re coming from.

 We tend to walk into someone’s lives being ourselves and sometimes that’s not enough to fit into someone else’s category of what they need. In other words, ‘everyone is not for everybody.’ When people show you who they are, why don’t we believe them? Do we think we can change their attitude or way of thinking? Do we feel that if we give people what they want they will return the favor? Or are we so insecure within ourselves that we would keep anything around just to say we have something? When we are ourselves there’s nothing no one can take from us; unless their mimicking our way of thinking. We come to the table with what we know and give based upon our understanding. Everyone might not agree but we don’t always accept everyone either.

What I was re-evaluating was my feelings toward not feeling valued in some of my friendships. Sometimes I feel like I am the one who is constantly there but when I need my friends, they are not around. I can go on and on about how I’ve sacrificed something to make sure my friends (and family) had what they needed. I have gone countless nights on the phone with people who just needed to talk or vent about something they may have been going through. I’ve sent people money, helped on trips, gave of myself because in any friendship/relationship you establish LOYALTY. My best friend told me something that made me think about friendships moving forward. It also made me want to write this blog: “whenever there’s disappointment there were always expectations.” If you think about it, our level of expectations of someone and how they didn’t match what we would do, offsets that emotion that we hold on too.

At That Moment:

Story over. Page turned.

This is the time you look at how you feel. Understand why those feelings have arrived. Take into consideration that you’re entitled to how you feel but you can’t stay there. This might be hard for people to accept, but I call it ‘taking responsibility for holding on.’ You don’t have to wait on somebody else to express how they feel for you to speak up. If someone is not being a friend and you have been feeling this way for a long time, why are you holding on? Why continuously get mad at someone whose showing you that they don’t care? We hold on to these chapters of friendships that should be creating dust and still get mad as if the words have changed. Turning the page is like the year beginning; an opportunity to start over and re-write the plans for your life without certain people in it.

Change your energy.

In times of heartache, you will sometimes be to yourself. You might start questioning other friendships and even hidden motives.  For me, I find myself by myself, with thoughts racing, and in those lonely moments those areas of doubt and feeling unloved will surface. An alone spirit will harbor on the bad, but who does it change? Changing your energy is all about changing how you feel. Changing how you feel means you need to revisit those expectations and you also need to look at why these people are in your life. Being friendly doesn’t mean everybody deserves a friendship title. I am a firm believer that spirits need some place to rest. Sometimes those spirits come from negative people with negative thoughts and negative outlooks on life. It’s important to station yourself around positive energy and people who aren’t looking down on life. Be around people who believe in you and challenge you to be your best.

I need to see you Smile.

You probably read that and smiled. Good. My best friend is my inspiration and he pushes me to look at life from a different lens; the lens I create for myself. When I was going through my moment, I posted a status on Facebook. That’s what everyone does right, to get the attention of the people you wrote the status for?  When your friends know you, they know what your words sound like. They also know when they need to pick up the phone and call you. He said, “I need to see you smile” and I knew exactly what he meant. When you are friends with a creative your thoughts are interlaced. Your visions are aligned. Seeing someone smiles can confuse the viewers opinion, but a real smile doesn’t lie. When you’re with your friends, smiles and laughs are endless. But when you’re around people you can’t smile with, what are you expecting from the friendship? “That’s just who they are” is an excuse people say to not deal with that person on that level, but that’s not fair to either of you. Find friends you can be yourself around and people that make you smile. The next step in smiling is cutting those people off. I’ve had to cut off friendship that I had for YEARS because it became toxic, and argumentative, and I was tired of holding on to the hurt. I was tired of holding to something that was no longer present. I was tired of hurting myself by being around who weren’t for me.

Loneliness creates a space for you to hurt. In the words of Gary John Bishop, author of ‘Unfu*k Yourself,’ “get out of your head and into your life.” Know that the people you surround yourself with influence your life. The things you pay attention to feeds into your life. The things you believe feeds into your life. Re-evaluate those expectations, as your life depends on it. Don’t allow anyone to cross the boundaries you create and don’t you cross them to make someone else happy. No excuses!

Breathe Again

Do you ever think back on your past relationships and get upset from things you wish you could have done differently? Have you ever thought that maybe you were the problem? Have you ever loved someone who was incapable of loving you back? Or Have you ever loved someone so much that you ignored all the red flags because you knew in your heart that they were a good person? Sometimes we feed ourselves lies in hopes the truth would expose itself and make liars out of our thoughts; but it doesn’t pan out that way. Then we make excuses as to why we hold on to people who consistently let us drown in their sorrow.

Craving the forbidden fruit:

There she is. The most amazing gift to look you right in the eyes, like it was too good to be true. The connection was real; for the moment. She was fascinating but she had an underlining streak that made her a little more interesting. Could I be moving too fast? She came from a broken home and worked hard for everything she obtained. She had a smile that could light up a room and a walk that made you step back in admiration. She was caring and compassionate about helping others. But she was hurt. She was insecure. She had a mean streak; a trigger that she hid behind her outward love for God. She was a good liar; a hypocrite, the person that I loved but she didn’t love me back. She was forbidden to be with anyone at that time. I wasn’t told by anyone that I couldn’t love her, but she was tarnished goods that was incapable of giving something she knew nothing about. She smiled and got what she wanted. She worked hard and people rewarded her work ethic. She was admired because she had a desire to feel wanted. And I was no longer the only one interested in her. Others had more to give but she kept me around. She kept me around because I was unwanted. She was the forbidden fruit that I thought I could save into being with me. I thought I would be a better man but I was confused more with her than without her. And I invested so much time and energy and money and prayers and sacrificed my own to see her beautiful smile. Trash. But she shared herself with others and I became useful when she felt she had no one else to run too.

Breathe. Now Go:

I’ve always been taught to work hard for anything that I wanted. I was also told that sometimes the bad things come into our lives to distract and mislead us from obtaining things that could be blessings. But I was never told to not pay attention to the destruction; just keep at it. I allowed myself to stay longer than I should have because I was afraid of how life would be without her in it. Even when she wasn’t around I did well, but when she did come around and I had to stop what I was doing because maybe, just maybe, she would finally see me. It wasn’t until she stopped communicating with me and I heard from others that she moved on that I finally had my opportunity to move on. She gave me no choice. But nope, I needed to see who she moved on too and if this man was better than me. And how did he look; was he bigger or smaller, and what did he do, because I gave my broken heart to someone who only made more pieces. I couldn’t return after this. How? I still wanted to end things, face to face. And I had questions, like, “what was I doing wrong?”  Was my all not good enough; even when she didn’t give it back. Were my attempts a sign of weakness? Was I strong enough to let go and do what was right?

 At That Moment:

Q: Why did you stay so long?

A: I thought she could save me.

Selfish, maybe so, but I thought if I saved her she would save me. Silly, right? I had to think about what I was doing and bringing to the table: I was everything for love that love kept me from doing. I went into this relationship with past relationship expectations and everything I told her she used against me. But if I did everything she wanted of me she would save me from myself. I thought this was it. But I too was broken and she was broken and all we did was break each other more. She got away, she did, but I always made it possible for her to return. Why do we keep the door to our hearts ajar? And when people move on, why don’t we let them? We sometimes think we can change someone or make them believe in what we believe, and realistically we can’t.  Broken people go into relationships with their eyes closed, their expectations low, and thoughts unspoken. Some people fail at communicating what they’ve been through, going through, or even what they need from a mate. Stop asking questions about someone’s favorite color and favorite wines. Get to know people. Get into depth about each other’s past and each piece of a heartache.  Understand the baggage someone brings will also become yours. Sometimes we miss the red flags because our desires outweigh our reality. We find ourselves playing tug-a-war with our hearts because we don’t want to lose those moments of how it ‘first’ started off. There is nothing wrong with leaving when nothing is flourishing from it. And we should stop trying to fill voids in others’ lives that aren’t created for us to mend, because we’re the ones that get hurt. I forgave myself, my time, the unreturned love, the sacrifices, the hope, the unkept promises, for not mending my own brokenness before trying to get into another relationship, my expectations, and most importantly, her!

It’s funny how we get what we ask for but we never ask for the instructions.

-Reggie Lawhorn

I'm Good. Damaged, but Good.

I’m Good! A Damaged Good

We talked for hours about everything. We shared the same admiration for God. We always knew what the other was thinking that we completed each other sentences. We would cuddle for hours at a time. I received the most amazing hugs. Forgetting that I am not the most affectionate, I still embraced each one of those hugs. We would sing silly songs together, though my voice always sounded better. I like who I was becoming and I didn’t have to pretend that it wasn’t love. But was this really love? I couldn’t say the words. I was afraid of the words being heard. I been down that road where vulnerability created hiccups, and my manhood to a beautiful broken vessel could appear to be perceived as weak; so, I thought.

Damaged: inflict physical harm on (something) to impair its value, usefulness, or normal function.

I went into this relationship thinking I had everything together. At the time I just graduated college. I moved to a new state and I was mentally in a different headspace. I was a Black educated man with standards and morals. If I come into this relationship the right way, who could be against that? Then I kept recreating my dreams (Be careful what you pray for).

I already considered myself damaged from my past relationships. No physical harm but if my heart could speak I am sure it would say “run” at the chance of love coming my way. Loving her was hard. I gave so much of myself for something false. I wanted it all back; my time, my efforts, my sleepless nights, my happiness. I became indecisive. I became weak. I built a wall up to keep people away. I stopped giving people chances, and some point I stopped even trying. I wasted time I will never see again. I loved her more then I loved myself and I was the one who suffered a loss; yet she played the victim. She had a way of walking in and out my life but somehow, I stayed in place for her return each time. I was tired of being hurt but I couldn’t let go.

Damaged Goods: a person regarded as inadequate or impaired in some way.

She told me she was no longer interested in loving me because someone else had captured her moments interest. She had me wrapped around her fingers. I still wanted it to work out, but I realized something. The moment(s) I felt that she was comforting she was only looking for protection. And each time she left, she knew I would always be there. I broke my own rules for companionship; it wasn’t love. It’s no surprise for most people that the person you first meet is not the same person you broke-up from. I found myself making excuses for someone else’s opinion; as if my thoughts weren’t my own. And after-while, I began accepting the truth. My thoughts were ignored and I lost myself in someone else’s reality. I fought for years to escape what was a self-inflicted decision that also left me tired of ME!

At That Moment:

We didn’t make it, obviously, but I wasn’t alone in the struggle to sustain what was love. We had the same issues when it came to relationships; we didn’t understand the language and we were even confused with the feeling. Ever felt like you were in a situation where you were alone in a feeling that no one ever experienced? That’s how it feels when your torn in situations. And for a moment, we forget that we’re human. We forget that we have other opportunities. This wasn’t the end of the world, this was the beginning of two souls finally getting it and not looking to rekindle something we no longer wanted to fix.

Even being damaged I am still good. I learned that in those low areas of my life, it made me stronger in other areas. I tore down the walls and knew how to walk into better doors that I created. I made an opportunity to choose to open those doors or leave them closed. I talk about my feelings now so there’s no confusion. I’ am able to help my friends other people in their relationships by doing what I should have done in my own. I continue to allow myself to feel and not to disregard signs. I hold no hurt nor shame. I am still a man, a black successful man with a voice, a huge heart and so much love to give; to someone more deserving when that time comes.

I’ll leave you with this: We are never too sure in which direction life will take us. And though we feel we have control, we fail to realize that we just make decisions; we don’t get to choose the outcome of our choices.

Regg Law

Another Relation-ship?

Sometimes our expectations are higher than some people can reach; especially when there’s no room for exceptions. Those who can’t reach the standard are placed into a mental “not a chance” list. And that list is filled with misconceptions, theories, red flags, past thoughts, potential concerns, etc.You find yourself unhappy and wondering why past relationships never worked out. Do we waste time looking for “the one” that we pass up great people who really have a chance?

Have you ever seen someone trying to figure out how certain people got together? Or have you ever walked passed a couple and asked yourself, “what do they see in them?” I hear people all the time calling someone shallow or too picky. I even hear the term gold-digger passed around for those people who only think of what they can get from someone. I know many people that have someone interested in them but they don’t oblige. Some people will pick out everything that is wrong with a person just off someone saying, “hello,” or how they dress, or how they look. (Don’t get me wrong, looks play an important part but that shouldn’t be your automatic disqualifier; especially when we’re not perfect). Think about this before you continue reading: Are people required to meet us where we are OR are we requiring more qualities from a person to be in a relationship with us than what we bring to the table?

I went on a date with a beautiful woman a few years back. Friends playing match maker. That has never been my thing but some friends tend to think they know what you want but fail to listen to what you need. Well we met at the bar (her choice) and we hit it off well. Into the date were talking about likes and dislikes, goals and where we attended colleges, and then she asked the question that not only stopped the date, but made me question her motives. She said, “how much money do you make?” I asked, “why is that important right now?” She said, “it determines a lot about where we go from here.” I nodded with puzzle thoughts running through my mind. I don’t remember if I was upset or just taken back. I immediately signaled for the bartender to come over and close out the tab and I asked her would she like me to pay. Before she could answer, I told her I could pay and to have a great night. She asked me what was wrong and I explained to this beautiful woman who was currently looking for a job that we’re not involved for her to be asking how much money I made. Not on a first or even a second date. I also explained that sometimes that loaded question can be placing someone into a category, and it can come off as if your being with someone is based upon how much money they made. She had no response. She just looked at me. Once again, I said, “have a great night and get home safe.”

At That Moment

There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone whose successful and educated and goal orientated. Someone who loves God, someone loving and caring and come from a good family, someone who’s going to treat you right, etc. But sometimes we meet those people and let them go before giving them a chance because they don’t fit our automatic qualifiers, so we send them off. Why don’t we take time to get to know someone before we decide they aren’t the one?

Ever heard the saying that talk is cheap? Well, IT’S SUPPOSE TO BE. Getting to know someone shouldn’t be pulling teeth or extremely difficult. The only thing someone should be taking up is a little bit of your time; not going all out to impress someone you might not even like. I am a little old fashion, even at age of 3_, lol, but one place I enjoy are local coffee shops. They are nice and scenic and you’re out in the public eye, but that conversation could lead to grabbing a bite to eat somewhere or it’s a quick meet & greet, a phone call tomorrow may take place.

Stop letting potentially good people go. Take time to get to know someone. A person’s personality and charm can go a long way. But believe me, I met some amazingly beautiful and caring and loving financially challenged, the only thing going for them is their smile type people who survive only off what they can get from others. But I wouldn’t have known that without getting to know them. I pay close attention to vibes and feeling someone’s energy is equally important, but we don’t know people just by what you see from the outer appearance. We all have a story. Are you worth listening too?

Morning (un)spoken conversations

The other day at the service center for a simple oil change, I was amazed to see that even at 7:00am the waiting area would be packed with people. No time to stop to get my usual Starbucks, so my frustrations for my morning wake up had me silent. Nowhere to really sit, I spotted an open seat next to an older gentlemen and man’s best-friend in his lap. He was a cute little dog that seemed to frown at people but its 7am; I felt that dog’s irritation. I pulled my phone out and went to social media like the rest of the world does. The guy sitting next to me with the dog was talking to the person next to him.

You can tell that the guy sitting next to him was getting bothered but didn't have it in him to say "stop talking to me. I just want to read my magazine," but his smirk and fake laughs said far more than the other guy could understand.

Suddenly, the older guy starts counting out loud so everyone looked. "1.2...3...4....5....6! It's amazing how it's 7 of us in here and you all are on your phones,” he said. Unbothered, people literally placed their eyes back to what they were doing before they were "rudely interrupted." The guy then began to just stare out the window. Being one of the people on the phone I wasn't surprised by his statement. I even had a conversation with a friend early about this same topic. I put my phone in my bag, forgetting I didn’t have no coffee, and began to have a conversation with him.

Sometimes it's great to just focus on your own thing. I could have been working, or responding to e-mails. Others could have been on social media, some could be watching the news or playing a game on their phones. But the irony is that we don't TALK with one another, in an open setting, without technology being the forefront. When I put my phone away and asked him how he was doing, the conversation for me became knowledge and understanding from another person’s perspective. A conversation that went from "I am fine " to "my wife is sick and I'm nervous."

AT THAT MOMENT:

We don't take time to smell the roses or appreciate a nice gesture. We are so consumed into our everyday lives that we rarely look up to see where we really are. We don't notice the people we truly interact with on a daily basis because social media has told us all we need to know about them. We don't notice the change in our friends and/or family or why certain things happened or changed. We don't take time to just say "hello" to someone and pause to listen for their response.

The conversation I had with this gentleman got so good that even people that were focused on their own thing was still ease dropping and chuckled every now and then. Some even joined the conversation with their own experiences. We meet people daily and we all have something to offer someone. We have the ability to help change or shape someone's lives. We live in the same world with different views and don't know the greatness or challenges people are facing. Your hello can brighten someone's day. Your hello can meet someone in distress. Your hello can show someone that you care. Your conversation can be the door to someone's success. Your hello can pay it forward.

In the end, we all had a great laugh but we all took something from his counting and pointing out the obvious: don't be so consumed with life that you don't lift your head up to at least say 'hello' and allow something to happen. And if it doesn't, that's fine. But never miss the opportunity to give advice or receive it as well. There’s still some Beautiful people in this world. And we all have contagious smiles! *So contagious I received a free coffee.

Unlike(d)

A few years ago, I posted a status on Facebook that caught the eyes of some great admirers. Every minute my phone was going off. The notification that someone ‘liked’ my status; even the comments I was receiving were amazing. There’s an embracing feeling to know that your words were liked and people could relate; so, we tell ourselves.

Sometimes were floating high on the many likes our post may receive or the comments we collect, but were your words impactful? And if so, to what magnitude?

Later that day the same status I wrote was shared by a good friend of mine as his status. My 70+ likes and good comments were overshadowed by their 1.1k likes and almost 80 shares. Was I upset, absolutely. It was a moment that someone took my words and made them their own. But I was also upset that people liked their status with my caption. Did I fall into that trap of thinking a ‘like’ was my stardom to popularity? The fact that he had a higher following and a different type of popularity never occurred to me. Is this why he received so many likes? Could I post great statuses and accept that it may help someone, and just be satisfied?

At That Moment:

It occurred to me that in each of my post the goal wasn’t to get the most ‘likes,’ but for my words to be impactful. I wanted my words to mean something to somebody, in hopes of them gaining some respective clarity. My friend liked my post so much that when he shared it on his status and received all those likes and those people in turn shared it on their page, I was already impactful and I didn’t have to attach my name to it. Author, Austin Kleon wrote a book called ‘Steal like an artist.’ It’s a very good read for those aspiring creative minds who love detail but sometimes don’t understand how artistry works. One of the chapters in the book is titled, “write the book you want to read.” It didn’t occur to me at that time that he reposted something he wanted or even needed to read.

I realized that my status was circling and I was rereading my own words from someone else’s page. And the ‘likes’ never changed my career status or made me feel more important than the next creative mind. I share to be impactful; not remembered. I share to give hope and clarity. I share to mend brokenness and to show people that they are not alone. I share to affirm someone who may need those words at that moment. I share NOW without looking at the likes. Though people may not ‘like’ a status doesn’t mean they haven’t read it. Some great things may go unnoticed but your work will always reveal itself, one way or another.

Accepting what you cant change

There are goals I wish I would had achieved and places I wish I could have travelled. Thinking back on it, there are things I wish I had done completely differently. But to be honest, there are people that I wish I had never allowed more chances than they should Have been allowed (no regrets but lessons learned).

Sometimes we stop ourselves from our own potential because someone interrupted us; that charming smile or even a simple hello went a long way. Our intriguing desires sometimes get ahead of us and we’re left with the arguments within ourselves questioning ‘why.’ Some opening dialogue have become some great blessings for folks. People have found great friendships and networking opportunities and even love. Some conversations lead to more conversations. But think about it; wonder if some conversations didn’t take place and some encounters didn’t go further than they probably should have?

Everyone you encounter is not one of those sent blessings to help you grow and some of the things we haven’t completed doesn’t mean it’s a punishment for where we might be now. Sometimes we go ahead ourselves with our thoughts, not taking into consideration what it might’ve cost us in the long run. Sometimes I wish I would have walked away from some things and some people before I mentally categorized them and attached existence. But I have come to accept some things, continue to live, learn and pay attention so I don’t make the same mistakes I learned from.

Can you trust the unknown?

Have you ever heard the saying, “There’s so much Beauty in the UNKNOWN?” We compare the things we think we need yet settling for things we sometimes think we want. And we live our lives trying to do everything to the beat of our own drum. And we sacrifice our own happiness to see someone else’s smile. And we limit our encounters because they don’t fit the status quo.

The truth is, we are human beings who thrive off the existence of others. We’re relational beings who may not get a long with everyone, but we still need one another in some form. And though we may not have it all, right now, the beauty is what’s to come. There’s a sense of amazement that follows our happiness from things unexpected. “We didn’t plan to fall in love, it just happened. I didn’t think I was capable of Love until you came into my life.” We all have been faced with those ‘I don’t think I can do this’ moment until you actually do it.

And though it may not look exactly like you planned, you still did it. LET LIFE HAPPEN. Allow the birds to chirp and your blessings to come unsurprisingly because you already asked God for them. Allow yourself to come outside your comfort-zone and align yourself to all possibilities. Be happy just because. Meet people with great expectations. Let go of things that box you in. Work hard to accomplish your goals. Finish greater then your started. Learn something different. The unknown allows you to experience life, and Your life is worth living!